My first pregnancy: Losing one, gaining another
Written by my husband Delwyn on July 15th.
Krystele and I are saddened to share that one of our twins (Twin A) was stillborn. On Monday July 9th we went for a milestone ultrasound and the doctors were not able to locate the heart beat. On July 14th at 2:00AM, Krystele was rushed to the hospital as she was experiencing cramping. Upon our arrival the nurses notified us that Krystele’s cramping was actually contractions and her cervix was fully dilated as Twin A’s water had broken. Due to the positioning of the babies an emergency C Section was done. At 5:41AM on July 14th, Krystele gave birth to Twin B and Twin A 5:42 AM. Although our hearts are heavy from the loss of one of our babies, we are filled with joy to know that Twin A will never know suffering, sorrow or pain as our baby has been made whole in the presence of God. Regardless we have seen God’s hand at work and are pleased and so blessed to welcome his twin, Troy James Lee to the world. Although this is a season of grief, we are overwhelmed with joy that God has blessed us with a healthy baby boy who will forever be a reminder of the privilege we had to carry these miracle twins for 7 months and 5 days.
When we first heard the news about our smaller baby in May, we were given the option to terminate the baby. We said no and had faith that God is in control. Krystele and I wanted to remain obedient. Even though the odds were against us, we had faith that God will deliver and honour our obedience to Him. By terminating our baby we would be taking away a life that God has blessed us with and removing an opportunity for God to work. We believe that faith and obedience come hand in hand because faith catches God’s attention, but obedience activates His power. You can have great faith, but if you’re ignoring what God is asking you to deal with, then it will keep you from your miracle. Even though our baby boy is no longer with us, we are blessed that we could turn this around to encourage others and bring glory to God.
There were times of frustration, tears and downright hurt, but not once did we doubt God. We told each other whatever the outcome is God is GOOD. God is SOVEREIGN. God is JUST. He loves us so much and that he would not allow something to happen if He didn’t think we could weather through it. Ultimately these twins are God’s children who Krys and I have been granted the privilege in parenting them while we are here on earth. We held on to the tenant that whatever happens God is in control and that his plan is always the best plan. In Isaiah, the Lord says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” We prayed to navigate this situation not with our eyes but with God’s eyes. We might not ever fully understand or know why this happened but we can know for a fact that our baby will not know sorrow or death as God promises that “He will wipe every tear, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain."
Through this our marriage has grown even deeper in intimacy, our faith has been stretched, and our obedience to God is unquestionable. Krystele and I will never have the chance to hold our baby boy in our arms but we are assured that not only will he be in my mom’s arms in heaven but more importantly in the presence of God. If we love our baby boy so much, how much more infinite does God love him. And with that promise in mind, that’s more than enough for me.
Today we stand here victorious because God has blessed us with our little warrior, Troy James, who is healthy and strong and growing bigger each day. On top of that we are left with such beautiful memories of joy and laughter when we found out that Krystele was expecting twins. The memories of travelling to the Caribbean shortly after. The countless of nights we read to them, sang to them, played guitar for them and talked to them was not in vain. When we look at this situation you see the pain, the hurt, the agony of loss. But when we step back to see the big picture, you can also see the period of joy we had. This season that God is carrying us through is only temporary. He will bring this pain and hurt to pass and He will make beauty out of ashes. We absolutely know that in God’s time He will open Krystele’s womb and will bless us with another set of twins and more children because of our faith and obedience to Him.
This is not for our glory, but for God’s glory.
Photos by Yinger Fotokrafie